Is there a moment when Dead people and Living people meet? Does the Soul of the dying person, hang around for a while, before “going on”?

Unless death comes suddenly and unexpectedly, many of us have or will have the experience of caring for a loved one who is dying. I found the weeks leading up to my mother’s passing, very stressful and traumatic and yet the experience and the events that followed, have made very deep changes within me. When she died, the selfish child that was inside me also passed away.

When my Dad was dying, I put off going to see him in hospital for several days. I had put off my visit through being selfish with my own fear and also an anger that Dad was leaving me. The first thing he said when I arrived at his bedside was, “You’ve come to see me off”. I now know what my response should have been, but my reply as I stood rooted to the spot was a cop-out “No Dad, you’ll be fine.” It must have made my realistic Father very lonely, as he “knew” . My mother, thinking of my dad and not herself (unlike me), took off his smeared spectacles and cleaned them.

My problem was that I was afraid of death because I hadn’t seen it and didn’t know or understand it. I could not at that stage, see that death was the natural part of the wheel of life, when things become dormant before growing again.

Our western culture tries to avoid any mention or sight of death. Death is too often the dreaded end - the moment of oblivion. Like a prisoner in a condemned cell, afraid to count the years and days, we approach the inevitability of Death by avoiding it, by pretending it doesn’t exist and will never arrive. Everyone will die except us.

Not so other cultures. In the Tibetan Book of the Dead, honesty to the person nearing death is regarded as an ultimate expression of Love. The book relates how the person deserves honesty about their impending death, especially as they have been deceived and lied to throughout their life. The book calls that simple honesty “a delightful situation”. The family of the departing soul will and should, accompany the dying person to the point of death and beyond.

At the time, I thought that this degree of honesty was too much for my Dad and decided that a gentle lie would be the best course of action to take. Some years later the thought occurred to me that I would not want other people to deceive me when it was my time to go.

I had stood looking at my Dad, strangely afraid of the whole situation when I could have said everything that he knew already by simply giving him a big hug.

~

Death is often seen as a journey or a voyage. On the other side, the loved ones and relatives of the dying person, gather to help and guide them over what feels like an area where both the living and the dead can meet. An area where we must say goodbye to the departing soul and hand them over to our ancestors. I had heard this before, but I didn’t really believe the second part. Yes, I understood that I should have accompanied my father to the point of death, but as far as I was aware at that time, death was the end and what followed was only oblivion. I guess that’s why I was so afraid and angry.

When it came to my mother’s turn, I was more prepared and I resolved that I would care for her right until the end. Even so, I still didn’t really believe that anything lay beyond the last heart beat and I was unprepared for the intensely spiritual events that followed:

I had taken to sleeping the the next room to my mother so that I could monitor her throughout the night. One night, about five days before she died, I became aware of a “power” in the middle of the room, just where I had taken to sleeping on a ‘put-u-up’ bed. I could not see the power area with my normal vision, but I felt that it was like a cylindrical shaft of white, slightly bluish light. As I lay on the put-u-up, the power around me made me feel uncomfortable and so I moved to one side of the room and spent the rest of the night on the settee.

It was the same the following night, only stronger and in the early hours, I heard my mother wandering around in her room. When I went in, I found her with her coat in her arms, even though she had hung it up earlier before going to bed. It was as if she was already somewhere else and because her new surroundings were so unfamiliar to her, she no longer knew where to hang her coat. I gently guided her back to bed and tucked her back under the sheets. She gave me a very direct look, as if she knew changes were happening.

I spent the remaining nights on the settee, the power had grown much stronger and the house seemed full of unseen people. I recalled Liz my ex-wife telling me how, during her last days, her own mother asked her what all the people were doing downstairs, as she could hear lots of laughter and conversation. Apart from Liz, the house was empty.

On the day Mam died,I remember calling people who knew my mother and suggesting that they drop in an see her whilst I was at work. The house was now full of spirits and the power in the front room had grown even more. I was very worried and I knew that something was about to happen. I spent most of the day worrying about her, so ten minutes before our evening show, I phoned. Mam seemed fine although she did say that she had perhaps eaten too much ice-cream with her evening meal as she had a little indigestion, . Looking back, I am so glad I phoned because around an hour later, my friend Debbie phoned me to say that my mother had been taken ill and was being rushed to hospital.

I drove up the motorway from Bristol where our show was performing, knowing in my heart that this was her time. Debbie was at the hospital entrance when I arrived; “She’s gone” said Debbie.

I took Debbie’s hand and set off to the ward where Mam lay. There is such an estrangement in our society to Death, that the Doctors and Nurses involved tried to delay me in seeing my mother. Again and again we were ushered into little waiting rooms while they tried to “prepare” me. The result of their delaying tactics was to increase my desperation to see my mother. I was so tense that the idea of sitting down was a total anathema to me. After the third claustrophobic room, Debbie spoke up loudly “It’s his right to see his Mother!”

Debbie’s exclamation did the trick. The cordon of Doctors and Nurses parted and I set off down the corridor to where a nurse was indicating the cubicle where Mam lay. As I hurried to her bedside, I heard a Nurse behind me hiss “You shouldn’t have said that!” to Debbie.

Whereas I understand that Nurses and Doctors should be instructed to prepare relatives gently and protect them, I also think that this is needed due to the over-protection and denial of Death in our Western society. Certainly being shut in little rooms with floral wallpaper and pastoral paintings did Nothing to prepare me - other than making me very tense.

I said goodbye to Mam and left the hospital. I had the strangest feeling that my Mother was leaving with us.

When I returned home, I paced around for hours until fatigue set in. The power was still in the front room and so I lay on my mother’s bed as it seemed the most peaceful place. I didn’t really sleep, but after a while I had the distinct feeling that my mother was all around me. I reached up and touched my face and it was my Mother’s face. I felt small and within her in some way. I know that this might be just imagination, but at the time it felt very real and now after the events of the following night, I believe it Was real. (see Christina’s Telephone below)

Mam “stayed around” until after the funeral and then seemed to “go on”. She returned around three months later in a dream which had been predicted by Patrick Webb, one of my favourite mediums. I had attended spiritualist church for the first time the following Sunday and since that time, I have received so much guidance from my supposedly dead mother, that I cannot just put it down to the illusion of grief. As I have been told so many times over the last two and a half years, I know that my mother is now my spirit guide.

A dear friend wrote the following words:

“I know that you are strong enough to carry on with the legacy of love and dignity that your mother and you shared. You will be her eyes and ears and feelings for her spirit. Her spirit lives with your Dad through your experiences. This is what we do here on earth for those who have passed on - we experience that world with our bodies and they can manifest through us. We now are the physical state which they can experience life with it’s ups and down, it’s joys and sorrows. Through us they exist.

Over the years i have felt much peace in knowing the wisdom shared by my parents and grandparents. When they were alive I was unable to see these things. In their passing, great wisdom came to me. The passing of one’s parents is the milestone of opportunity to grow that many people fail to address in it’s proper purpose.

Your mother has now ascended from parent to holy spirit status. What a wonderful chance for her to pass her wisdom to you - concepts that were too difficult to communicate with words.”

(titmouse)

Please also read the following if you’re interested and have the time:

Christina’s Telephone http://www.soulmerlin.com/christina1.html - Probably the nearest to a “proof” of an afterlife I have experienced. The article is three pages long. Because it clicks from page to page rather than scrolls, many people miss the third page.

Paradise Lane http://www.soulmerlin.com/paradise1.html (the Dream predicted by Patrick Webb)

Visit to a Glasgow Psychic http://soulmerlin.com/almanack/?p=129

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